Dinner Table Questions
"How was school?" gets you "Fine."
Every time. You know this. We all do.
Here's why—and what to ask instead.
Why 'Fine' Happens
"How was school?" is too big.
Your kid's brain has to process 7 hours of experiences, filter for what's important, and summarize it on demand. That's a lot.
So they give you the easy answer: "Fine."
It's not that they don't want to talk. It's that the question is too broad to answer.
Questions That Actually Work
Instead of "How was school?"
Try: - "What's one thing that surprised you today?" - "What was the hardest part of today?" - "If you could've skipped one thing today, what would it be?" - "What made you laugh today?" - "Who did you sit with at lunch?"
The pattern: Specific beats general. Every time.
Curiosity Openers
These work especially well for discovering interests:
- "What did you get curious about today?" - "If you could learn about anything tomorrow, what would it be?" - "What's something you wish you knew more about?" - "What's something your teacher doesn't know you're interested in?"
Kids ask 26 questions per hour at home, but only 2 at school. These questions reactivate their curiosity.
Timing Matters
Not right after school. They need to decompress first. (See: restraint collapse)
Not when you're multitasking. If you're half-listening, they'll half-answer.
Best times: - Dinner table (phones away) - Car rides (no eye contact = easier to open up) - Bedtime (guard is down)
The question matters less than your full attention.
“Kids ask 26 questions per hour at home—but only 2 at school. You're the curiosity engine.”
“Real questions get real answers. But only if you're actually listening.”
The Gift
At dinner tonight, skip 'How was school?'
Pick one of these instead:
Sources
- Tizard, B. & Hughes, M. (1984). Young Children Learning.
- Engel, S. (2015). The Hungry Mind: The Origins of Curiosity in Childhood.